2008 Woodie Awards
One man's story of Ramen and half-and-half
Angelo Lanham
Issue date: 3/3/08 Section: News
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I took the $20 challenge: $20 for food for the entire week, and I could only buy things within a block of campus.
DAY ONE
Unless all of the fast-food giants had suddenly developed $0.25 menus, I knew I'd need some groceries.
The Campus Village Market has atrocious prices, as do all 7-Elevens that surround the campus. Good thing I'm a smart shopper.
Case in point: I discovered that Campus Village had a number of water-damaged boxes of cereal, reduced in cost by $1.99.
This brought an outrageous $5.99 all the way down to an outrageous $4. Score.
I ended up with Corn Flakes. After about 20 minutes of trying to decide which water-damaged cereal I would be eating for the next five days, I grabbed three packets of Top Ramen, the leader in economical malnutrition. Ramen packets are just $0.33 each, a superior deal to 7-Eleven's $0.50 per bag.
To ensure a balanced diet, I grabbed a package of Pop-Tarts for $2.99.
I sat down for my noon breakfast, a delicious bowl of Corn Flakes, and realized that I didn't have any milk.
I saved myself from a barren bowl of cereal by realizing that five packets of McDonalds' Half and Half, which had been sitting around the old pad since the end of the Cold War, is very much like milk. Just add water.
The net effect wasn't too much like milk after all.
For lunch and dinner, I treated myself to some hardy Top Ramen packets, flavored beef and pork, respectively.
Total so far: $7.98
DAY TWO
Time to get some milk. I stood in the San Salvador Street 7-Eleven staring at the milk refrigerator for 10 minutes, trying to figure out which overpriced quantity was the least rip off.
I finally concluded that a quart of Vitamin D milk, homogenized and pasteurized for my protection and going for $1.89, would be my best bet.
Two dollars and ninety-nine cents got me a giant bag of pretzel-cheese Combos, my only snack between skimpy meals.
For breakfast, I had a delicious bowl of Corn Flakes and two Pop-Tarts.
Around noon, the Combos came out.
For lunch, I had two value menu tacos along with a delicious cup of ice water from the Burger King in the Student Union - $1 flat, no tax on campus. Score.
Total so far: $13.86
DAY THREE
I'm starting to feel a little light headed.
For breakfast, I had a bowl of Corn Flakes and one Pop-Tart.
Low on Ramen, I bought three more for a total $0.99 and had one for lunch. This time they were the politically incorrectly titled "oriental" flavor.
That night I had another Top Ramen while working, most likely pork flavor, but it could have been beef. The taste is not that different.
Just for variety, I tossed some Combos into the Ramen.
Before I left work at about 10:30 p.m., I found that some unsuspecting person had left a jar of peanut butter and a loaf of bread at the Spartan Daily's mini-kitchen, and I stole a scoop of one and a slice of the other. I just wanted some protein. You are a wonderful donor, whomever you are, thank you. Thank you.
Total so far: $14.85
DAY FOUR
I rue the day I saw that stupid green rooster on a box of Corn Flakes. I think I had a dream about it. Just two Pop-Tarts for breakfast. Thanks.
I snacked on some Combos during Political Science 103. I'm starting to hate Combos.
After the Pop-Tarts burned, a trip back to the campus Burger King revealed that I could get - and I hope you're sitting down for this - two double cheeseburgers for $2.
Two double cheeseburgers for $2? Two double cheeseburgers for $2! Oh, glorious calories!
One for now, one for later.
A few hours after one burger, I had a nice packet of either pork- or beef-flavored Top Ramen.
At 6:17 p.m., as I typed this very article, a good Samaritan from the advertising department came in with a pizza box containing two cold pieces of combination pizza. I snagged one, thanked him, and offered him my first-born child.
The other burger went down around 9 p.m. as I researched for another article.
Total so far: $16.85
DAY FIVE
For breakfast, I had another bowl of Corn Flakes with a Pop-Tart. After some time, I finally finished the last of the Combos. I was torn as to whether I was glad to be done with them or sad to see them go. They didn't taste good anymore, but I felt sentimentally attached. For lunch, I discovered that the Jack-in-the-Box $0.99 Breakfast Jack had become $1.29, bringing my total prematurely to $18.25.
Don't let the clown getup fool you, Jack is a capitalist.
The B.K. turned out to be closed, and I resorted to Iguana's Taqueria, on Third Street.
There, I had a mini-taco and a taquito-mashed-potato-thing with my remaining $1.75 plus the quarter the cashier generously donated from her tip jar.
THE LOWDOWN
With a blatant disregard for nutrition, anyone can eat on campus for $20. For the sake of your bones, though, find a nice supermarket to spend your portrait of Andrew Jackson and toss some fruit into the mix.
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