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Bucking tradition
and following the
path of my heart
By:
Posted: 9/4/08
We get a lot of looks, my boyfriend and I.
Sometimes they're friendly, but many times they're hostile. The negative looks usually come from fellow Indian people, because I'm not dating an Indian man.
I don't go out of my way to avoid dating Indians. I've grown up with Caucasians my entire life, so it's
no big deal for me that I'm attracted to them. My parents feel differently about my future as a wife.
They say I can marry whomever I want - as long as he's Indian. Anyone else will otherwise be shunned. If I don't find an Indian man, they will arrange a marriage for me. However, I refuse to marry blindly into a possibly cold, unloving marriage to a man with whom I won't get along.
Having grown up within the American culture, I, too, expected to be able to go to my parents with a boy I liked and for them to accept him with open arms. But, after a few sharp words from my mother,
I knew that wasn't going to happen.
I grew up lonely watching my friends date the boys on whom they crushed.
After a few years I put my foot down. I was not going to allow myself to become an adult without experiencing the joy of caring for someone.
In high school, at age 17, I dated my first boyfriend behind my parents' backs. I was thrilled; I was finally happy with someone I wanted to be with. Six months later we broke up, but I had no regrets.
It wasn't until my first year in college that I would date another man. He was sweet and kind, someone I would have loved to introduce to my parents, had they been more open. We too broke up, but remained on good terms.
After dating him, I was firm in my belief that I was going to marry whomever I pleased. To hell with tradition. Why should I put my happiness aside, throw my entire life away, because my parents wanted it so?
I respect their wishes and understand where they are coming from. Both my mother and father grew up in conservative, traditional families and have not considered the idea of marrying someone their parents didn't introduce to them.
I find arranged marriages appalling. Not only would I be miserable, but an Indian husband would not likely be accepting of my distinct American habits and ideals.
I was surfing through the Internet one day and found a site called www.lovingday.org. It is a Web site dedicated to celebrating interracial and intercultural relationships.
I learned that interracial marriages were illegal until 1967, which surprised me, because that was only 41 years ago.
What caught my attention was a section called, "Real Couples," where men and women described their experiences dating outside of their race.
I felt encouraged, almost proud, to see people risking their reputations to be with the person they loved. A couple stories struck a chord with me, speaking of the shame they caused their families and the threats they received from their parents.
I have it coming too, but I'm not afraid. I care about my family, but why should I be limited to the people I choose to love?
The main goals of the LovingDay Web site are, "To fight prejudice through education and to build a sense of community among people who engage in meaningful interracial and intercultural relationships." I fully support these goals. It's not easy receiving angry looks from strangers as though my relationship were inferior or blasphemous. Who are they to judge the dynamics of my relationship?
The problem is that many are unwilling to understand and accept my unique choice for a partner. For my family, tradition must survive, so marriage to anyone other than my parents' choice is out of the question … until now.
I chose not to forsake my happiness for tradition, and have been dating my boyfriend who is … Well, does it really matter what he is? We are happy together, and for us, that's enough.
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