David Zugnoni

Get two educations for the price of one

Beginnings of Marathons

By: David Zugnoni

Posted: 1/23/08

You learn something new every day, but a lot of the time you forget.

It's the first day of school and with everything going on in your classes, it's hard to remember those valuable personal notes.

So get yourself an extra notebook this semester and start jotting down something you learn every day.

At least you won't complain that you didn't learn anything this semester

Here's how you do it:

Jan. 1: I learned to remind your friends to make sure they have all their belongings before leaving a party. I also learned that when you lose something, a kind stranger will sometimes help you get it back.

Jan. 2: I learned that when someone tells you a ridiculous and utter lie, as long as it doesn't affect you, it might be a bad idea to call the person out on it.

Jan. 3: I learned that Phoenix is much larger (516 square miles) and much more populated (more than 1.5 million people) than I once thought.

Jan. 4: I learned that someone who works for the UGG Australia company, which makes the fashionably furry boot, sold his or her soul to the devil. There is no other explanation as to why half of the U.S. female population owns a pair of those hideous things. They're everywhere. I bet someone in your class is wearing UGGs right now.

Jan. 5: I learned that Crocs, the fashionably colorful rubber sandal, are even uglier than UGGs.

Jan. 6: I learned how many people have been killed in genocide since 2004 in Darfur, Sudan, (an estimated 400,000) and how many have been displaced from their homes (at least 2.5 million).

Jan. 7: I learned what birds look like when they're sleeping.

Jan. 8: I learned to pay attention when riding in a taxi because the driver might take wacky routes to lengthen the trip and raise the payout.

Jan. 9: I learned that Delaware is the first U.S. state. Delaware? Honestly, if I asked you on the spot, would you know that? It sure seems like one of those simple facts everyone in this country should know.

Jan. 10: I learned that there are more foreign languages being spoken and more people speaking them in New York City than in anywhere else I'd ever been.

Jan. 11: I learned that New York City actually does sleep. At least it did on one rainy Friday from about 4 a.m. to 6 a.m.

Jan. 12: I learned that JetBlue Airways, the airline that features mini televisions and headphones for every passenger, is a horrendous scam.

It's a scam because JetBlue is selling something to do on a plane that will help people pass time and distract them from the fact that they're flying through the air for hours at a time, while the old-school method - reading a book - is much more effective at doing these things.

I'm surprised no other airlines have taken JetBlue's lead and further capitalized on this society's laziness and passivity.

Jan. 13: I learned that there are only two countries in the world whose names start with an "a" but don't end with an "a":

Afghanistan and Azerbaijan.

Jan. 14: I learned that at several taquerias in San Francisco's Mission District, if you order in any language other than Spanish, your free basket of tortilla chips is going to be half empty.

Jan. 15: I learned, at about 8 p.m., that it was my best friend's birthday.

Oops.

Jan. 16: I learned that you should try not to make jokes even vaguely mentioning cancer unless you're absolutely sure it's not a touchy subject for anybody listening.

Jan. 17: I learned that if you give someone an inch, he or she won't actually take a mile. Forty feet would be more accurate.

Jan. 18: I learned that personal satisfaction and disappointment rest on one's idea of the meaning of life.

I learned this while talking with a friend about how to get out of his recent depression. He feels the meaning of life is to make the world a better place, but his current efforts to do so have made his lifestyle defeating, tense and boring.

His sadness comes not from the troubled lifestyle but from the fact that he is currently failing in his ambitions to change the world.

Jan. 19: I learned that there is a tabloid called In Touch Weekly.

What a title.

Is reading up on celebrity gossip considered being in touch? Is there anything more out of touch?

No wonder my friend is trying to change the world.

Jan. 20: I learned that some people are sure Barack Obama will be quickly assassinated if he wins the presidential election.

Again, no wonder my friend is trying to change the world.

Jan. 21: I learned that if you aren't trying to make the world a better place, you're pretty useless.

Jan. 22: I learned that if you want to make the world a better place, it helps to have a plan.

Today I learned that there are 119 days left until the end of the semester.

What will you learn?