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Felicia Ann Aguinaldo

'Positively Pessimistic'
To go to heaven do I have to go through the motions

By: Felicia Ann Aguinaldo

Posted: 4/8/08

My boyfriend thinks I'm going to hell.

Well, he didn't actually say it, but he thinks that if you don't go to church, you won't get into heaven.

And since I don't go to church, I guess I'm not getting into heaven.

I'm not completely sure whether this bothers me, though, because I'm not even sure if there is a heaven.

Hell, I'm not even sure if there is a God.

But wait, before you judge me, please understand where I'm coming from.

I was baptized Catholic, and once upon a time, I attended a Catholic church, where my sisters and I ran around the pews chasing each other. But don't worry, we only attended a few times.

Then, out of nowhere, my dad and stepmom decided the Catholic Church wasn't good enough and became born-again Christians, which is when they forced my sisters and me to attend their God-worshipping church. In the end, my sisters and I quit going to their church, but my dad continues to preach to us God's word.

My other encounters with religion - or lack of it - come from my grandma (a Buddhist), my stepdad (an atheist) and my stepgrandma (a Jew).

With all of these religious views in the mix, it's no wonder I'm agnostic.

I don't think there's any way to tell whether God exists, but I also don't believe he doesn't exist.

What I do believe, though, is that any religion that excludes non-believers is not one in which I want to take part.

What kind of religion teaches its followers that people who don't go to church will go to hell?

What about the people who can't make it to church every Sunday? What about the people who would rather worship God in their own homes than in a church?

Just because I don't identify with a religion doesn't mean I'm not a good person.

Just because I don't attend church every Sunday doesn't mean I don't live my life according to how a good Christian would live his or her life.

I honor my parents, and I am not a murderer, adulterer or thief.

I appreciate the little and big things in life like the shining sun, the person who holds open the door for others, and the good health of my family and friends.

I pray - every once in a while - to whichever God is listening and ask him to keep all people safe from harm, to protect those who are less fortunate than myself, and to keep everyone warm and not hungry for at least the night.

I have never even tried drugs, I do not drink in excess, and I am not an obsessive gambler.

And just because I don't attend church every Sunday, this means I am doomed to hell?

That seems unfair to me.

What about the people who do attend church but do so only to ensure their places in heaven?

The man who physically or emotionally abuses his family, the woman who is cheating on her husband, the child goes to church because he or she has to - these are the people who will make it into heaven just because they go to church and say they believe in God?

If God is as selective as Christians make him seem, I don't think I want to be associated with Christianity.

So, even if I am categorized as the non-believer who is going to hell, at least I know I lived my life as a good person.

And who said I wanted to get into the Christian heaven anyway?
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